Titfucking Stories

Twas upon a night most brumal and void that a vortex most wicked and vexing did blow, and its wild and draconian presence brought forth happenings most unimaginable. Fear not, for I, and I alone, your scholar, your advisor, your surveyor, your grand arbiter of all things...well...arbitrary, shall recant to you the tales of this bizarre and estranged time.