My Eating Disorder & Me
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Última atualização qui, set 4, 2014
I'm 18 years old, in the peak of my Eating Disorder and very much want to share my story.
The horror of a never ending battle.
I write mainly for myself, one day I'll probably forget much of the wild things I've done, but then again; How can I ever forget the last 5 years of torture, and the years still to come...
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The average human being spends every second of his day fighting against the force of nature to see another day. But I'm different. I'm not afraid of outside forces to take my life away - only myself. Approximately 10 years ago, something happened to me. Something really bad. But I'm not allowed to talk about it. As a way to release my frustration, I give hell to my body and everyone I come in contact with - especially my parents. No one knows about what happened except the ones who did it...and Him. But he didn't stay. Now, he's back and he's not talking either. I want to stop hurting, I need to stop. Make me stop.Concluída
Dear Ana,
"I fell into darkness but I didn't mind, I liked it." Amy Adams thought everything was alright, but when she heard her very best friend Rose committed suicide, her world turned upside down. Amy couldn't understand, why? But Amy found Rose's diary at her wake and everything became clear. Rose was anorexic. Rose wrote about her two guardians Ana and Mia, they helped her, or something. Amy didn't understand a thing, but not for long. Because Amy would also meet her fate with the two angels of death. Just like Rose. Amy has a hard time fitting in after her only connection to a social life left her alone. Amy get's lost and tries to save herself. But how can you pull yourself out of a hole where you can't see the edge? Amy does make new friends and she even falls in love but everything is on the verge of falling apart. How does she plan on keeping her 'new habit' a secret? and when will Amy really understand?Concluída
It was under control
Jules Hart returns to the psychiatric ward, her life has fallen apart once again. She had it under control. Or was it all just her imagination? She encounters trials and tribulations with her eating disorder recovery, being forced into situations like no other; ending in painful repercussions and unhealthy coping mechanisms. After deciding she no longer wants help, Jules escapes the psychiatric ward; resulting in her attempting to take her own life. The consequence of her actions, broke Tom's heart in the process, all the while he held her sick body. Her life has led her down the path of having to recover from not only the torturous eating disorder, but the addictive self harm and torment of the suicidal ideation. Let's just hope Jules gets her happy ending... ~ "GET OFF ME! GET THE HELL OFF ME! I DON'T LIKE BEING TOUCHED! GET THE FUCK OFF ME. TOM PLEASE HELP ME. TOM! PLEASE GET THEM OFF ME. I'M SO SCARED!" Jules's fragile body was making a forceful connection with the cold and unsympathetic ground. Her bloodline exiting and tainting her body and all of the surroundings. Her painful and emotional screams echoed the white corridor, while Jules's body shook and shivered, and dizzy spells with blurry covered eyes; forced her body and mind to experience a feeling of disconnection. The fit of fear that swirled in the pit of Jules's stomach made her head jolt violently side to side, along with front and back; causing her forehead to strike the floor. ~TW: Eating disorder, suicide and self harm mentioned throughout~Concluída
Without A Voice (Based On A True Story)
Imagine a life in utter silence. Imagine having your thoughts trapped in your body, craving for them to be shared. Well, imagine no further. That was my life. I was born deaf and mute, and lived with the effects for the better part of my childhood. I struggled daily while also suffering horrible tragedies at a very young age. From bullying to hate crimes, I experienced them all while still learning about the world. Most people would have quit trying. But with my family unsure of their future, it was up to me to push forward and give them hope.Concluída
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Mind of The Disordered- A Memoir (Completed)
When you're stuck inside a layer of skin you never asked for, what does the soul do? It cries out in poems and pictures, and words that have so much meaning to anyone if they look hard enough. It winces in pain every time the pen hits the paper and shouts in agony every time the mirror is reflected upon a burning face. This is a collection of me. My eating disorder, my depression, anxiety, my thoughts, my words, my pain. If you've ever wondered what it was like inside the mind of an anorexic, a bulimic, a chronically depressed woman, here is the answer. A memoir written by me. There is no specific order you should read this book. Choose a random chapter from the table of contents, and read. Take a little in, leave a little out. ****** There is a major trigger warning for almost every story in here. If you are sensitive to numbers, or ideas or anything of this matter, this book may not be for you.Concluída
Falling Apart
*TRIGGER WARNING: DEALS WITH DEPRESSION, SELF HARM AND SUICIDE* Amber is sixteen years old and to sugarcoat it... She hasn't had the best upbringing. She would love a different life, one where she can see her mother again and not be stuck with her abusive father. A life where she doesn't get taunted and hit and torn apart by everyone who she has ever seen. But she would never swap, she doesn't want anyone to endure the pain she's gone through. So instead, she tries to get rid of it... Again. But much to her disbelief, she is saved by the people she would least expect. She learns secrets about them that no one else knows. She feels included. Cared for. And dare I say it... She felt loved. For once in her life, she felt truly happy to be alive. But just when Amber felt safe, her life was flipped upside down and her past came back to haunt her just when she least expected it... (Sorry, I suck at descriptions, don't let it put you off) Ranking: #64 in Awareness #15 in Mental Health Awareness #73 in saddnessConcluída
Ana
Life as a child was amazing. Your weight didn't matter. Your clothes didn't matter. Your parents money didn't matter. All that mattered was who you were going to play with, but that's all gone now. My sister hates me, my mom has no time for me, and my dad, well he left me. My life has been one whirlwind after another. Except I'm content with it, till it all comes crashing down. Every television, billboard, and magazine is covered with models. Models that are supposed to be role models, for us. Perfect face, perfect body, perfect life. I have none of those things. All my life I've never cared that I was over weight, and didn't wear makeup. Who knew a boy could change all of that? That's when I decided to starve myself, force myself to look like the girls in the magazines. Who knew all I was doing was slowly killing myself? Life likes to play games, except my game is called Ana and I don't think I will survive. (unedited) Cover by: MadHatter_25Concluída
annihilated. /mcr fanfic (pt. 2 of resurrected, completed)
i didnt think i would finish a whole story, let alone begin a second half! lets see if i can make it. the first half only took a year to write. you know the drill, this story has and will contain very explicit and triggering material, including ED, S/H, drug abuse, s/a, suicidal ideation, and violence. writing is a coping mechanism of mine, but i know that reading these stories while experiencing these issues can be harmful to ones self. please avoid reading this at all costs if that is the case. you can reach out to me if you need someone to talk to. thanksConcluída
The Twisted Mind
"I felt as if I didn't belong, And I felt as if i'm not sick enough" Alfie struggles with the concept of food. He loves it, he hates it and just wants to find peace with it and within himself. He wants to make up with his body, his mind but he's lost all control so he's finding it hard to live. Alfie Hailo, a 16 year old swimmer, has been struggling with food since the age of 13. His parents put him in dance class when he was 6 but he was getting bullied as he got older, so decided to quit and choose a more 'masculine' sport.His father also left the family home 2 years prior and has been struggling to understand why. He has amazing friends, and an amazing family who love and care for him dearly but, he doesn't feel this. He feels like he has to be perfect. With the pressure of school, and having to keep up to the social norms of a professional swimmer, it's hard for Alfie to concentrate. He needs the help. And to do this, Alvin helps. Alvin helps him find his worth, take control, and makes his life easier, or so he seems. His best friends, Killian and Ruby, know Alfie inside and out. They know his family life, school life. And this is because Alfie is a simple person. He has never had a detention, nor has he been expelled. He's a straight A student with no history of alcohol or drug abuse. Will they suspect anything? How will Alfie proceed with his excruciating pain. Will he cover it up or will he find the courage to speak up and seek help?Concluída
The average human being spends every second of his day fighting against the force of nature to see another day. But I'm different. I'm not afraid of outside forces to take my life away - only myself. Approximately 10 years ago, something happened to me. Something really bad. But I'm not allowed to talk about it. As a way to release my frustration, I give hell to my body and everyone I come in contact with - especially my parents. No one knows about what happened except the ones who did it...and Him. But he didn't stay. Now, he's back and he's not talking either. I want to stop hurting, I need to stop. Make me stop.
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