my lovelife

im sick of myself because jam he is everything I could ever want ,but no he doesn't like me back he likes Vicky, maybe it's her personality and maybe it's her phenotype but deep down I know I'm never going to be her and it kills me inside but I act so different on the outside,around everyone im so happy always laughing and smiling but I'm not happy I'm just trying to get by.Life is what you make it right ? Well I'm barely making it ,I think I hit rock bottom when jam told me that day,like no of all things please no you can't please don't all I could count on was you and now Im sitting here not even knowing what the fuck a number even is.