Help

I want to tell you everything but I can't. All I can do is plaster a smile on my face and pretend that nothing is wrong. I can't handle it anymore you seem so happy but then there's just me. How can I tell you that I feel all alone even with you there beside me. I cry ever night because of my past. when that happens I want to die but I can't leave this world no matter what happens I'm still here. I wake up in the morning sad. The sadness lingers all day. I want to scream help me but nothing comes out.