diagnosed

a stranger's online diary for the most part.

by reading this you'll see entries from various points in my life where i generally have a lot of negative thoughts and emotions. i try not to change anything about what was written before. i guess this is a less a diary and more so life updates and documentation.

at first i think i wanted this to be a niche, infamous sort of read, in the same sense of romanticizing shitty or relatable situations, if that makes sense. then i drifted apart from this "book" ig we can call it, and life started to catch up to me. suddenly i wasn't a kid with no responsibilities and several casual friends, who wanted to go to a good university and live an easy life because my talent and hard work. not a not like other girls type bitch who was shy and mysterious and fun-loving with a vast number of hobbies she was good at. because i wasn't. i dont know if i ever was, or if that was just me daydreaming.

long story short, this began as chronicles from an average se asian american teen girl determined to die from her own hands as she not-so-discreetly cried for help, to a strange tangents from the aftermath of that girl seeking professional help and later denying that same help just to end up back at square one- hopeless.

names are modified/shortened bc its unnecessary and the likelihood of anyone figuring out who i am irl is very low.

part of me wishes someone could read this and interpret it the way i intended. part of me also thinks that never having that these past few years is realistic and a good way to humble myself and remind me that no one ever really gives a crap unless you make them.

the cover is just some ms paint drawing i made as an email attachment for fun lol. i think its cute.