I can't love you (Niall Horan)

What do you call it when all you feel is pain?
When loved ones look at you and all you feel is shame?
When you're tired of living?
When you know you're the only one to blame?
What do you call it when you soul is hurting?
When darkness around you keeps growing?
When you're in your house but it's not home?
When you look back in life and every choice seems so wrong?
When you feel that you can never see him again?
When you know all your family feels hatred for you?
When you look back and realize your sister loved him first?
What do you do?