Surviving Rejection

"Aria, you don't know how sorry I am. Please. Please. Please. Give me another chance. You don't know how much you mean to me. I was so scared when I thought that you were gone forever. I hate myself for what i did to you. I am so sorry. Please just say something." Damien rambled. He told me the same kind of thing every day. I just sat there in the chair that faced the window that showed me the forest that I used to love. I didn't look at him, and he may have thought that I didn't hear what he said to me, but I heard every word.

It had been a month since I "woke" up. I hadn't said a word in that month. The Moon Goddess shouldn't have let me come back. I should have died when I swallowed all of those pills. I shouldn't have to go through all of this pain again. Those pills made everything numb. They made the pain go away.

When I've been left alone, which is rare since I'm on suicide watch, for good reason, I've tried to make it all go away again. I don't even care how this time. I'll go through a couple minutes of physical pain to get away from this emotional pain that will last me a life time. But I can't physically harm myself. Whatever I find and I can't make myself pick it up. I'm just frozen in place. It's like the Moon Goddess put a curse on me. This second chance wasn't a blessing. It was a curse.

Damien kept on rambling on when he said those three words. Three words that made me fall apart even more.

"Aria, please say something. I can't bear to see you like this. Say something. Aria, please. I care about you so much. I- I love you. I've always loved you."

Those three words were a lie. They couldn't be true. A monster like Damien wasn't capable of love. He wasn't capable of loving me. He would have never caused me so much pain if he ever loved me.

Then I spoke for the first time in a month. Three words I had never said to anyone, because I had never truly felt that way.

"I hate you." I whispered in a barely audible voice, but he heard me.