Everyone thinks they know me. They see my actions, not my motivations. I am pretty sure all my fans don't know crap about me: my biological parents, my mental stability, my fear, and my dream.
They only see my clothes and see "how better am I off than them". Better. Richer. Prettier. Beauty. That's all they see.
I am afraid, just like the rest of them. I feel pain, just like the rest of them. I have been traumatized, just like the rest of them. I dream and feel the pain of longing, just like the rest of them. Money and fame and power doesn't change that. Neither does being a model.
I want to sing, not be sold off for my body like some whore. A camera whore. That's what models are. I don't want to dance around some camera and green screen, changing and acting every time the camera flashes. I don't want to be just walking on the red carpet for being pretty.
I want to pour my despair, my fear, and my agony onto words to reach out to every one around me, showing them that I hurt, I cry, I break like every one else. I don't want to be a mere mannequin. I want to express, dance, love, hate, not be a model.
But— there's no such thing as "I want" in the entertainment. There is only my boss wants and my fans want. So, until I breach out from the chains of my blood, then I will hide my true self behind fabrics and smile that fake smile I'm known for in front of the camera... Just like I always do.
Feel ---- Suicidal Todoroki x Bakugo ---- [BOOK 2]
70 parts Complete Mature
70 parts
Complete
Mature
***READ 'NUMB' FIRST (ON MY PROFILE)***
Damn it
Todoroki
What the fuck did you do?
Why the fuck did you do this to me?
Why the fuck didn't you come back?
You knew I never meant to hurt you
I know
You know that
And yet
You haven't come back
It's been nearly a week
I can't
I can't handle this
My intentions at the start were to help you
And then part ways with you
To focus on my career
But I got attached
And now I never want you to leave
"I knew this would happen." I muttered angrily, grunting in pain as I kept punching.
"I knew as soon as you got better."
My eyes teared up a bit, but I convinced myself it was anger.
"You wouldn't need me anymore." I said through grinding teeth. "And now you don't need me anymore."
I hit it again, and a sharp, burning pain shot up my arm. I stumbled back and yelled in pain. I sat on the ground and stared at the floor, crying and grinding my teeth.
You always hated when I'd push myself too much
And even after everything
No matter how hard I try
I'm still a failure
I always fail in the end
I always fall short
It's never enough
Nothing I ever do
Is enough to come out on top
It used to be easy
I was just naturally good
Comfortable at the top
And now
I'm struggling just to stay in the running
I stood up and walked to the locker room, slamming the door open and closed. I stood in front of the mirror with my hands on both sides of the sink, staring at my reflection.
I was a mess. My eyes were red from my tears and my expression was exhausted and distressed. My face was tear-stained and I was light headed. Just completely out of it. I had bags under my eyes from stress filled days and sleepless nights, an obvious lack of rest.
No wonder Aizawa confronted me
I look like hell
I feel like hell
Fuck
This is hell