I didn't ask for this.

'Dear Noah Tate and Amy Santon,

Unfortunately due to the number of fans complaining and apparently falling into depression because their ship is sinking, the health association have declared that you both need to get married to one another. Failure to do this will result in your contracts being terminated and you won't be able to publish any music or any creative work for the next 10 years.

Apologies for any inconvenience.