Thou Shalt Laugh

I've just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve.

Today I gave my dead batteries away....Free of charge.

If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.

I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

I'm so bright my mother calls me son.

Pencil sharpeners have a tough life.... they live off tips.

My eyelids are so sexy, I can't keep my eyes off them.

What fits your schedule better......Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?

I heard a story about a broken pencil that I'd tell you but it's pointless

Silence is golden, Duct tape is silver

If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.

Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

If money doesn't grow on trees why do banks have branches?

A butcher goes on a first date and says 'It was nice meating you'

2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cents? Man that's Ludacris

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.

It's been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!

I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

I love pressing F5. It's so refreshing.