Cloudy Thoughts //vent//

MGA BUMASA 123
Mga Boto 16
Mga Parte 8
Oras 9m

MGA BUMASA 123
Mga Boto 16
Mga Parte 8
Oras 9m

Mature

anxiety autobiography depression dermatillomania eatingdisorder reallife suicidalthoughts suicideattempts

Random thoughts that I can't physically say to anyone. I don't know what I'm doing anymore?? I'm just existing, but not living,,, I don't want pity I just need to vent

//trigger warning: legit everything//All Rights Reserved

anxiety autobiography depression dermatillomania eatingdisorder reallife suicidalthoughts suicideattempts

Table of contents

8 parte

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[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression

My life has always been terrible. I was always bullied at school. I don't know why, it just seemed that people didn't like my presence. The guys would beat me up and I'd get in trouble when I defended myself, for the teachers never saw what they did. The girls would trick me, making me think they liked me and laughing at me because of it. I was always in the principle's office for one reason or another, but I wasn't a bad student. I actually got really good grades. To make matters worse, my mother wanted nothing to do with me. She'd lock me in the basement, sometimes for days, with no food or warmth. My father would then sneak down and beat me before raping me. So, naturally, I wanted to die. But, for some reason, I can't die. No matter what I do, I can't stay dead. The thing I want more than anything is far out of my reach. Why can't I just die? Warning: mention of rape, suicide, and abuse. Also, this is a boy's love story.

You don't know me ni You_Dont_Know_Me9374

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ Not for the faint of heart, I explore dark parts of my mind and unfurl them for your own enjoyment. All of these stories are true. You don't know me, and you're never going to. This is basically just a shitty diary of my life with very few details as to who I am, Don't want to scare you off. Feel free to read but I don't really care. I'm just a screwed up guy that everyone knows and nobody cares about really. If you can't tell I'll probably swear quite a bit in this so if you don't like that I'm sorry, but this really isn't a good read anyway it's just me complaining about the fact I still exist. Actually no, whilst I did start this to complain about my life, the stories are fluctuating, as I discover I am infact worthy of love, even I don't believe it at all times. I hope you enjoy my rantings. ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

Some things are never meant to happen the way that they happen. Some things are not supposed to break the way they break, but we are not in charge of this earth. We cannot oversee how things are fixed and how they break. We are only capable of putting the pieces back together...mending broken hearts and healing empty souls. Why him? They ask her constantly. Why the heartless man to comfort the hurting soul? Because, she always responds, even after countless mood swings, crazy demands, constant reassurance, and stupid arguments, he never gave up on her. Why her? They would ask her every time. He'd respond the same. Because I don't want to court her in bed. I want to love her in life. Polar opposites attract. Elizabeth and Romeo attract. They just want to love each other in life through the pain, the agony, the abuse, the depression, the anxiety, the mafia, the breaking, the fixing, the helping, the hurting. It's just love at the end of the day.

"There comes a point where you no longer care if there's a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You're just sick of the tunnel." - Who I am doesn't matter. How I got here doesn't matter. What matters now is I'm getting help, right? That's what they tell me here. They tell me that the road to recovery feels like a terrible butt fuck, but the fact that you're on the path to begin with, is all that matters. So as I sit in this circle of fuck ups, I realize just how different I am from them. I didn't attempt suicide because my mother was a crack addict who didn't want me. My father wasn't abusive. I didn't have a sibling die in a car accident. I was never really bullied either. I attempted suicide because, for the first time in years, I thought I had found something that could make me feel again... and after not feeling much at all for far too long, perhaps I went a bit overboard

This is my story. My life. Now before you read or turn away, I must warn you my life is anything but normal. Bad luck seems to follow me and everyone I love. Abuse, drugs, alcohol, heartbreak, loss; all of the above. I still don't know how I am here. Dealing with this endless cycle of depression and darkness.

trigger warning. dont expect you to read this, words are simply that. just words. but if you do i hope you enjoy 👍 and if you relate to any of these, im so sorry. (all of these are original and written by me unless its said otherwise) might also include random rambles and/or thoughts or maybe even quotes (sorry again abt this)

"We were never meant to last... but we couldn't stay away." They met in high school-young, reckless, and hopelessly in love. When it all fell apart, they thought that was the end. But some love stories refuse to stay buried. When they find their way back to each other, it isn't the fairytale they once dreamed of. Love turns toxic, passion turns destructive, and together, they become the worst versions of themselves. How far will they go before they finally break for good? Or is this the kind of love that never really dies, no matter how much it burns?

Hi there, how are you? I hope you're okay. Like the title says, this book is made of pieces of me, sort of like a diary. Each chapter has its topic, message and feeling. I write it as my life goes on, pouring my heart out, mentioning a lot of the past and situations I haven't overcome, voicing my struggles, wins and losses, lessons and pain. I hope this helps you somehow, I mean, if I'm gonna be posting my life anonymously on the internet I can try at least to help someone. Never forget, you are not alone. This is for you. Good luck :) *trigger warning*- please if you get triggered easily or are going through a hard situation don't read this book, specially the chapters: Puppy thoughts. The Need. -Sequel: Head High (on my profile)

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Slide 1 of 9

Cold Water

[BWWM] I was only twelve years old when the world turned cold. The day my mom died in that car accident, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice water over my heart. My dad, who had always been my hero, suddenly became a stranger, filled with rage and blame. He couldn't see that I was hurting, too; he only saw me as a reminder of his loss. The accusations cut deep. He said it was my fault for being there, for not doing something to save her. For being the reason she was in the car in the first place. In the years that followed, things only got worse. The abuse started gradually-a harsh word here, a shove there-but it escalated, leaving scars that I carried long after the physical pain faded. I was drowning in my own despair, struggling to keep my head above water while my father's anger raged like a storm around me. I only had a break from his anger when I started living with Aunt Dina-my mom's older sister. Well, that was because she found me nearly dead on my bed after I took a dozen pills. I was tired of living. I had hit rock bottom. The harsh whispers that followed me around and the stares at school. I pretended not to notice, like it didn't bother me. But it did. I was alone. Then came Athalia, a ray of sunshine cutting through my darkness. With her, I felt something I hadn't felt in years-happiness. She became my light through the darkness and my lifeline. ••••••••••• ● Warnings ⚠️ ~ Mention of suicide ~ Anxiety attacks ~ Rape attempt ~ Mention of self-harm ~ Depression

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