Tourmaline

"Some people are just simply and utterly unlovable."

He fell silent. His breathing was rhythmic and manual, as if he had accidentally fallen asleep. I took a moment to listen to the soft whistle of his exhales, the sound of his fingers tapping a fast-paced melody on his stomach, the crackle of each swallow.

"That's stupid," he said finally.

I glanced at him, then back at the charcoal carpet of clouds above me. "What do you mean?"

"It's the exact opposite," he explained. "People are too lovable. You're going to love and be loved tons of times in your life, and nearly every person will feel like 'the one.' It's an infatuation complex."

"That's a pessimistic way of thinking."

He shifted to face me. His eyes bore into mine, those wide, vigilant eyes the color of rough cut jade and spring grass, familiar but foreign, empty but full. The next words were like acid on his tongue.

"And yet so goddamn true."

***

How do you describe your entire life in one trivial, ordinary paragraph? Hello, my name is Tourmaline. I'm 5"7', a Virgo, and a 'dog person.'

But that's not me. Those are things beyond my control. Although, come to think of it, most things are beyond my control. See, I'm stuck. I'm caught in this eternal loop, this inevitability to fall and rise. To mistake and to fix. To bend and to break.

It began with him. He was the sun, the moon, and everything in between. He was beautiful. Beautiful in the way a forest fire is beautiful. Beautiful in the way that made it hurt. Beautiful in the way that made you fall in love without even knowing.

Which begs the question, how does one escape something out of their control?