How to Love You

"What is this?" I asked, carefully stroking the fading scars on his upper arm. Thin pale lines. Horrifying. I felt the urge to cry my heart out in his arms. This is the last straw. Of all the terrible things in my life, this is what finally put me over the edge.

"What are you doing to yourself?" I sobbed as I pulled up the sleeve of his left arm too, revealing new identical scars. Who am I to cry? My burdens are nothing compared to his, and yet, I am being a crybaby at his feet.

"Why have you never told me about this?" I never ran out of questions, but he was out of answers. He didn't say anything. He only watched me as I scrutinized every inch of his skin, searching for what I feared the most.

I couldn't help the crying. I was attached to him, every pain in his life, affected me too. He is the reason for my happiness, yet the reason for my deepest sadness. I looked at them over and over again. The scars. Carved in his skin. In his soul. I never would have guessed that the always so cheerful, laughing guy I met at school, with his adorable dimples, felt so much pain on the inside.

"It helps me. It makes me feel better" he muttered after a while. I looked up, meeting his tired gaze. Bloodshot heavy eyes stared into mine. The eyes of someone who hadn't slept for days. My poor baby.. How can you be my greatest burden and my biggest source of happiness at the same time? I ask myself that question everyday.