redefining love | lams

tw for suicide this shit depressing as fuck

John Laurens is perceived as a bright, bubbly young man who is nothing but a kindhearted extrovert. People think he's an open book, and his green eyes are always filled with a soft, inviting light that draw even the coldest people to him. He is often used as an outlet for the rage and sorrow of others, whether their intentions are malicious or not.

Being the sweet man that he is, he never refuses to help anyone who comes to him with their problems. No matter what it is, he always finds a way to help. His happy exterior is enough to assure friends and family that he's okay.

But he's not.

He struggles to believe that he's good enough. Not only is he self-conscious about his appearance - too many freckles, not enough muscle, hair too frizzy - but he's also convinced that everything else about him is unworthy of positive notice, too. His drawings, his opinions, even his voice. He hates everything about himself and is always certain that people secretly hate him and only stick around to make him feel better. He keeps setting the standards for himself higher and higher until he can't reach them.

The majority of his friends are homophobic. They aren't shy about expressing their opinions on the LGBT community, and are extremely vocal about their discomfort if they see any homosexual displays in public.

This wouldn't be such a problem if it wasn't for the fact that he's gay, and has strong feelings for his best friend.

Alexander Hamilton.