Heart-Shaped Hollow
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- Parts 14
The heart dies a slow death: whomever has been there, feeling like their soul is being peeled off, knows it.
It is not real death either: that would be easier. Instead this takes strength beyond human to withstand without going insane or becoming a demon. And the world is already full of heartless ghouls who once cared too much.
Yet, it can be done. You see, some things must be shattered to pieces as to be repaired beyond their wildest expectations, and God is Japanese in his craft: he likes to fix his broken porcelain with gold. Don't give up just yet, and you will live to see how you are being diamonded out of carbon.
There is this underlying order to the mechanics of the heart: for it to work properly, sometimes you just have to sit down and bear the tantrum of cries and screams. So that is what I did. I listened.
Consider this a warning.
This is the journal of my voyage into the inner unknown, the tempest, with its depth and dark clouds and light winds; with all its mermaids, and all its monsters. This collection of weirdness deals mostly with break ups, with broken things, with just brokenness in general, meat-red raw: it's my account of what it means to be gloriously and tragically human when reason falls back and passion turns against you, and you have to hustle your way through. When living and dying share the same heartbeat in the hollow of your chest. In the best Dionysian spirit, I've added music next to the pictures, here and there, to go with the reading.
To all the silent star-gazers and playlist loners out there, I really believe the world would be a darker place without you. So this one is for all of you who know what it feels to be drowning in the deep waters in an ocean of tears never shed, the ocean within. It is not less a mysterious, dangerous place. And as with all sea things, there is only handful of counsels to give.
Dive at your own peril. Keep an eye around.
Now, follow me: there's a lot to see before dawn.
Take a deep breath.
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#827
awakening
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Through thick and thin the Law shall prevail. A new sense of purpose awaits us, children of light, in the land where it all began. The darkness in which we once cowered in fear, now curbed by the might of our endless light. Come, brothers, come, sisters. Let there be peace among the wicked, just as the Law dictates. Peace and certainty is all that you have ever longed for, little angel. A bright, stable future. A roof without holes above thy head. Acknowledgement and recognition of thy existence, feverish dreams of grandeur. Greed born from yearning, treacherous vines of rapacity taint your innocent soul. You seek a future that does not exist. Let thy fingers hold the fragile line between dream and nightmare. Let thy light navigate the path. Shall thee give in and falter, O' land of old, envelop his body in thy unending flame of chaos. Spit out nothing but an empty husk, the remnants of a smile once so bright. Shall thee prevail, O', Great Kazdel, I ask of you, the impossible - take mercy on the innocent. Don't let the radiance dim and don't let the mind turn bleak. Wake, young traveler. Bid thy farewells and burn thy bridges. It's time to say goodbye, curly head. Cross post from AO3. For a shorter and more on-point description, look no further! I had something silly written up before throwing it out in exchange for that wall of text upstairs. It's a little story "about a young, dumb sankta who's been dealt a bad hand at life, looking for his place in all this mess. The pointless search for a better future leads him far, far away from home, to a country forever ravaged by war and misery - Kazdel, the promised land where devils roam free and peace feels out of place." Anyway, it's quite lengthy, but hopefully enjoyable? Slide a comment if you want, I'll give you a tiny kiss on the forehead. Man, do I love comments. (Lastly, to point out, English is not my native language, but I don't think it'll be much of an issue ;3)
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