Of Storm And Fire (Unedited)

I was without feeling.
Nothing seemed to matter to me. Not the things I loved to do, not my family, not even Danny Smith brought any feeling that could penetrate the thick hazy numbness that clouded my head and my heart.
The only presence I felt was Anxiety.
And if she was the only stable feeling I had, then what would I be once she was gone?
So I kept walking. Past Rocky's Playhouse, past the park, past my house. I kept walking until I reached Carrie's Cliff, the cliff kids would leap off of to get a rush during summer break.
Until both Carrie Milton and Samantha Dierre died after jumping off for the same thrill everyone else was looking for.
I took off my flannel, in a trance as I watched the waves of the pacific crash against the rocky base of the cliff. The water was so blue.
Almost the same hypnotic blue as the eyes of a certain boy who had managed to wrap around my aching heart like soothing medicine on a wound. But now things were different.
There was absolutely no feeling at all when I thought of him or anything else.
I shuffled closer to the edge of the cliff, my heart thumping and my head dizzy with the rush, reminding me that I could still have feeling other than anxiety and numbness.
I edged even closer still, the soft ocean breeze curling around my cheeks and running through my hair, beckoning.
A whisper on the wind, tempting me to feel.
So I closed my eyes.
And I jumped.