Denial

The wail of sirens echoed throughout the hospital as the emergency room doors burst open. Two individuals were being carted in while another gurney was carrying someone draped in a white cloth. It was too late for them. I could just barely hear what the paramedics were yelling to the doctors as they rushed to the operating room.

"Car crash. Must have lost control. Both middle aged men. One is Native-American with long black hair and light brown eyes. He has multiple lacerations to the abdomen, his skull was fractured, left knee cap shattered, and internal bleeding." the young man explained. "The other is Caucasian with blonde hair and green eyes. His neck is broken, there are four fractures along his spine, we think his spleen might have burst, and there is a large piece of the car door sticking out of his chest. Possibly the handle. Both are in critical condition. There was a third passenger, but she was gone before we got to them."

A louder sob ripped through my chest, my entire body shuddering from the force of it. Tears began streaming down my face faster than I could wipe them off. I wrapped my fingers around my ears the same way I did that night, silently begging the memories to go away. Before I knew it, I was rocking back and forth. "It's all my fault I should've died Should still be here All my fault Should be dead Take me Suffering Can't take it Find your happy place Find your happy place Find your happy place." My body was wracking with sobs. I wanted to stop it but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. "I'm so sorry I'm so sorry Should've been me Should've been me Forgive me Please forgive me I'm so sorry I'm so sorry."