Plain Jane

*contains a fair amount of swearing*
So you've probably heard of all those stories where the bad girl meets the good boy. But I bet you haven’t heard of bad boy meets Plain Jane.
Hi, my name is Plain Jane. My parents took one look at me and thought ‘Wow this girl is plain! What rhymes with plain? I know, Jane!’ And that was how I got my name. So I’m your average straight-A student. I love books and I wear big glasses. I also enjoy carrot sticks and I hate any form of attention, not that I get any. Boring, I know. I’ve never let alcohol touch my lips, I’ve never touched a boy (not that anyone would want to have sex with me(because I’m so boring)). I am fat and ugly. I weigh exactly two stones. Two stones too many. I can’t see my bones! How fat am I? I have crystal blue eyes and bottle blonde hair. I have clear, creamy skin that I moisturise every day! Why am I so ugly? Goddammit! No boy would ever go near me.