Online Diary
- Reads 55
- Votes 10
- Parts 5
MatureOngoing6m
Last published Sat, Aug 5, 2017
I guess it is past time that I do this. Things like this is very difficult for me. I think of other's before myself, so making this is an easy way to make myself feel even worse for fear I am upset someone. The only thing that my therapist has ever told me that has actually stuck with me. (3 years running of talking with her) is that writing things out seems to help me more than speaking. So I guess this is a way to share with you everything that has been weighting me down. If you get triggered easily or do not like mentions of depressing subjects, I do not suggest reading this. I also do not want pity voters, people who just skip though the chapter and like it. If you are going to read this, you have to read it... not just skip it. I am trying to be honest with you.
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I've written 3 anonymous online journals so far in my life. The first was as an adolescent, ending when, at 19, I commenced a long term relationship in which my partner had an issue with me writing about my thoughts and feelings in case they were about her. I also had to cease my other creative outlet - drawing. Because she felt it's abstracted nature hid secret messages about her. The second started when that relationship was coming to an end. I needed an outlet. I had nobody to talk to about what I was going through so I secretly started writing again. This is that second journal, when I was around 25 years old, which I've taken from it's retired blogger page and have transferred here. Part of the reason I am doing this is because my daughter, who was very young at the time of writing this, has expressed some curiosity about my journal. One day when she's older and has more life experience it might be OK to see what I'm writing now, but in the meantime, she can read this, a moment in my life for which she was present but that she could not understand at the time.
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