Hiraeth

I stared at my perfectly-sculpted face. The clear water that reflects it seems to complete the picturesque environment I'm enjoying. For more than a fracture of a second, I felt envious of it. Oh to have a picturesque life.

I tapped on the part that reflected tattoo on the left part of my chest, situated on my under boob.

"Hiraeth." I whispered almost inaudibly under my breath.

Hiraeth is a Welsh word that holds different meanings. It can mean homesickness of a home you can never return to, or never was. It may also mean nostalgia, an earnest longing or desire, or a sense of regret.

I had this inked on me for a reason. Maybe it was the first as I've always longed for a place where I can feel safe, where I can draw strength. My querencia.

It could be the second. Memories have never left me since it flooded not only my mind, but also my heart. What I had wasn't perfect. But it was definitely more than enough.

But I've also yearned for something. Perhaps recognition? Attention? Appreciation? Love?

The last one... possibly. For the sole reason that I regret meeting you. I regret being drawn by your eyes and your heart. I regret a lot of things in my life but the one I truthfully feel a wave of remorse for... was loving you.

I saw the reflection of a bitter smile that formed on my lips. Perhaps it was all of those reasons. I found the perfect word to describe this emptiness.

Lies.

Betrayals.

Pain.

Excruciating pain.

Death.

It all leads back to you. For a moment, I stupidly and blindly assumed you were my haven. Turns out, you were gonna unleash the hell I didn't expect.