BFF not a couple

My name is Celestine, I'm 17 years old and I have this huge love to darkness, emo style and psycho people because of my little secret that my family doesn't know. My family is not like other peaceful families, I'm jealous of other people that has a normal family, I have a big abusive brother and a sick mother and a little sister that I always get beaten up when I protect her from my big brother, he is married and has kids but always comes to our house to make problems. Well, my father? He died 5 years ago and left us in hand of this monster. Hopefully the only thing that makes me happy is my little secret.