Lightweight

[this shit sucks] warning lol (:

16 and wrecked.17 and stressed. 18 and I am a mess.

3 years in the making and I feel so empty; so lightweight.I applied for this show and I went through to 3rd place. I went to fame, but not on my own; I went to sucess with 4 other boys.When I was 16, I lost my youth. I lost it for fame. I am not like the other kids my age. I am going through the worst. It's so bad that I want to end my life with a bullet through my head. Being famous is so much worst than being bullied. Believe me, I went through both.I was going insane for having this kind of job. Everyone sees me as the serious,boring boy in the band,which I am;but I am also the troublemaker. Everyone treats me so differently. They treat the other lads better. They might have not noticed,but that hurts me. When I was 17, management made us go onto the tour. It was pretty chill. I saw pretty landscapes and pretty faces. I was the boy on stage lots of girls want, but the girl I wanted to be didn't want me back. I met her when I escaped from management's hands. She dropped her peacock head clip and that's when I took a chance. I caught it for her and I gave it to her. When I looked at her, I felt something in my heart. I didn't feel lightweight no more. I felt full of joy. When I saw her eyes; it was like a piece of coal. I saw through her eyes a dark and hard soul. But I think I can refine her life; make her life like a diamond.

I don't want her to feel lightweight like I am.

Now I am 18. Trying the find her. All I wanted was her to give me a chance and to fill me up again. All I wanted was traditional love with her. All I needed from her is love to not feel lightweight.