i hate this

i hate this

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Wed, Mar 10, 2021
I tend to spew out the most random, and often times depressing, thoughts out into the void of the internet. And I guess this is where I've decided to do that. There is no coherent manner to this "journal." Thoughts aimlessly slip into my consciousness and I will rant and type up whatever is on my mind at the moment to get them out there for someone to acknowledge, no matter how "non-poetic" or repetitive the sentences become. I don't revise or edit my entries usually because I typically just jump on here to release some pent up emotion in a form of colloquial writing and then immediately publish the entries without looking back on them. If you read through the entries, you might notice that even though they have titles on them that are supposed to lay out the general context of the entry, I tend to go off the original intent of it, and by the end, I'm talking about something completely different like "what the fuck are you talking about? 🧍‍♀️" I feel that when I do edit them, I'm trying to make myself seem "artsy" or "poetic" to a reader when I don't even consider myself as that, so all of the entries don't follow some sort of structure like a dramatic monologue. So, whenever I do update with something new on my mind, it's usually unpredictable when that will be. There isn't a clear schedule of writing, it's just whenever I feel like it. Will anyone even take a chance at reading this mess and randomness? Well, I guess I am instinctually expecting someone to read it since I'm literally writing this whole ass description AND putting it on public. 👁👅👁
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Change to disclaimer: I censored their name because they were getting death threats. THIS BOOK IS COMPLETE In my younger years, I accepted toxic manipulation and emotional abuse as normal and a sign of love. I've dealt with lying and manipulation all my life but never classified it as wrong since it all came from someone I loved: my father. I never fought back because I was raised to put trust in him because we were kin. A decade later, I come across Wattpad with a warm and loving community, and through mutual friends meet THEM. We then start dating on and off and then finally break up. Before we do break-up, they made me vow to never tell anyone what I had gone through and discovered about them. I said yes without hesitation because I was still madly in love with them and stupidly loyal; but as two years pass I realize I promised to not tell anyone about their true self so they could continue to do what they did to me and to silence me because they knew I still had feelings for them and was formidably loyal. I became damage control so they could continuously drag in new weak-minded people like me and make them go through the same pain and groom them to shower them with attention every second of the day and when they didn't; they made them feel as if they were wrong. They made their lovers feel like they were the bad guy and insignificant at the same time. In Present day, this still haunts me to the point I only get a few hours of sleep. My ex isn't here now and I feel I must share not only as a way to warn readers of people like them and how his definition of love is actually far from the truth, but as way of closure for myself.

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