Every teenager has felt that moment where they feel like their life is over. They have a bad hair day or the guy they thought was the ONE turns out to be the biggest jerk. I was just like every other teenager in that aspect but then I realized that those moments are more important than we can ever realize. We take every moment for granted thinking that we'll have more of them. More high school crushes and bad hair days, but then something happens and that's all gone.
I never knew that the pain in my knee would be the end of the world for me and I'm not meaning that in a teenager way. No, my life is quite frankly over. Well, that's what I thought when this whole mess started so I guess I was overreacting.
If you asked me now what I thought of all of this, I would tell you dying is a gift. Cancer was more of a reason to live and not to accept the inevitable. I've made more friends than I can count but I've watched them be put in the ground. So, in the end dying will be a gift.
.
I've always had a feeling that I would die young. Ever since I started pondering on deaths door I've had this feeling. I could care less about the hell and heaven shenanigans, but death. I want it. The end of my life.
I want to be in my suit, in my coffin, in the ground and my soul to be gone. I've been waiting for 16 years, yet no sign of death opening his door no matter how many times I ring his doorbell. Yeah, I enjoy thinking about my end. Especially at moments like this...
***
#1 physical
#1 cuteguys
#1 addiction
#2 self-esteem
***
Started: 7 November 2022
Finished: 18 April 2024