Email Subject: If you get me out of here, I will pay you in brownies!

Don't judge Alfred. He is just a normal guy trying to explain to his lawyer, why he is stuck at the police station.

Warnings:
1)Do not read if you are afraid of ponies.
2)I bend the police rules a little, don't kill me.
3) This is written in chat language.
4) The word: Fuck, will be used too much.