I was about to walk out the door when I heard Danny say something behind me.
"Rocky. What happened to the good girl?"
I stopped for a moment, frustrated. I never wanted to be a good girl. It's just what I was always forced to be. My parents and Danny forced me to be the good girl, with the good grade, and perfect attendance. But I just couldn't do it anymore.
So I said, "The good girl got tired of being pushed around, and turned into a bitch."
And with that, I walked out the door.
I walked the two blocks to Luke's house. I needed. He was the only one who understood me right now. Mason didn't understand, Danny didn't understand, my parents thought I was a child made from the devil himself. But honestly, I didn't care. I was different now. And different was good.
~*~
"R? What are you doing here?" Luke said in shock when he opened the door to find me with a back-pack slung over my shoulder, standing at his doorway.
And at that moment I just broke down.
Luke carried my crying body to the couch where he sat me down carefully. Scared that if he was too hard, he would brake me.
"Your the only one who understands me, Luke." I cried.
I tried wiping away the tears, but more just fell.
"I just want to let go. I just want to end everything. End it all!" I cried, more, and more, and more.
Luke looked at me, like he was a second from breaking down right there, right in front of me. He looked like he was about to jump off the couch and punch a wall. But he stayed put. He didn't cry, he didn't punch a wall.
Instead, he spoke, "R. Your the key to my heart. Don't let go. Or I'll be locked forever."
And with that, he took my face in his hands, and kissed me with so much passion, I felt like his heart was about to explode.
"Will be there in 20?" The message from Dean reads. My brain says I should text back saying 'I will rip your balls off if you come over' or 'I am not a sex toy, you could come over and use me as and when you please' or at least a simple 'No'. But I don't. I squat next to my bed and pull out the white powder to numb the pain. I told myself that I am done with Dean and I am going to get my life back together. I cleaned up, battled withdrawals and even improved my grades. One text from him and I am snorting coke.
Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let Dean treat me like trash? Why do I set myself up knowing that it's only a matter of time before he will run back to Sherley leaving me in limbo? Why? l have asked myself the same question a million times but I couldn't come up with an answer that I can use to justify myself. When it came to Dean, I was a masochist. I let him use me and discard me without any fight.
Dean was my first Friend. Kiss. Sex. Love. Everything. I wanted to be his everything too. I was his first Friend. Kiss and Sex but Love.. that was Sherley. His family chauffeur's daughter. I want to be a better human and say I didn't hate her. But I am not. I am just human and I hate her with the ferocious of a thousand sun. I hate that she plays him like a fiddle and he dances to it. I hate that they fight for silly reasons and Dean comes running to me. I hate that I let him in even when I know she will reel him back in no time. I hate that he is my weakness and Sherley is his.
I wished that my best friend would turn to be my lover. But he just ripped my heart out. It time to let go and move on.