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•F E E D•

existentiallylost

Reads 228
Votes 25
Parts 7
Time 3h 1m

Reads 228
Votes 25
Parts 7
Time 3h 1m

existentiallylost

amazingphil anorexia bulimia danandphil danhowell danielhowell danisnotonfire eatingdisorder internet mentalhealth mentalillness phandom phanfic phanfiction philiplester phillester recovery romance tatinof

Estée Frost is recovering from Anorexia, two years ago, when TATINOF toured the UK she was admitted into hospital but thanks to an online campaign of sorts, she is lucky enough to be treated to an all expenses paid trip to see the last UK date at the London Palladium.

While she's there, she notices something about Dan, something that reminds her of the way she was back when all her problems started and she starts to wonder, could one of her biggest insult inspirations in life be struggling too? 

In the present day the YouTube channel she created to document her day to day battle with her eating disorder 'Estée Eats' has taken off, that's when she receives the message she never expected to see, and finds herself not only determined to fix herself, but to fix him too.

(UPDATED WEEKLY ON FRIDAY/SATURDAY)All Rights Reserved

amazingphil anorexia bulimia danandphil danhowell danielhowell danisnotonfire eatingdisorder internet mentalhealth mentalillness phandom phanfic phanfiction philiplester phillester recovery romance tatinof

Table of contents

7 parts

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My Blood, Your Bones - Phan by SweetLittlePhangirl

Young Dan Howell, who lives with his alcoholic father, lost his mother to cancer less than a year ago, and is killing himself. Phil Lester, a boy picked on for his weight, lives alone from the rest of the world in a rehab center while trying to recover from severe anorexia. When a concerned teacher suggests Dan seek help, the two lonely worlds collide. Maybe all they need for help is each other. (Rating: Mature! Very angsty! Read at your own risk! Triggers: self harm, eating disorder, suicide. A little swearing. A little smutty, a little fluffy)

Forbidden Love ( phan fiction ) by howellestars

Meet Dan aka Danisnotonfire Dan is a Brittish Youtuber/fulltime internet hobo Meet Phil aka Amazingphil Phil is also a British Youtuber What happens when Dan and Phil are faced with many different challenges.. What will happen. Love? Hate? Will this be then end of their beautiful friendship find out in Forbidden Love ❤️

Tinder - D.JH. by yuhsuga

[COMPLETED] (This was written before Dan came out! I am in no way meaning to invalidate his sexuality, I love him to death!) Based on Dan's video, "Would you date THE REAL Dan?" but it takes a twist. Said video has since been deleted due to an user request to Tinder's app. Rest in peace, Would you date THE REAL Dan?, 2017-2017. Forever in our memories, but never quite taking it to our hearts. Best Ranking: #1 in #danielhowell Warning: Contains sexual content and some other graphic imagery. ©yuhsuga, 2017

Arms (Dan Howell x reader) by FabulousUniducky

This is it. You're moving out of your town and to the big city of London. To celebrate, your parents take you to a very fancy restaurant. Terrible, right? Or will it be better than you thought? Before you know it, the entertainment of the night, a funny group from a few tables away, follows you from the restaurant, brightening up your dull life.

psychedelia | phan by thenightlockfox

Dan has given up on ever being happy. Life has lost its meaning, and everything he seems to do causes some form of destruction, and Dan is so tired of destroying the things he used to love. He's lost so much, and he's scared of losing Phil, the only thing he can bring himself to care about. But Dan can't see past his own depression that Phil is struggling with bulimia, and that he's equally good at hiding his dark thoughts as Dan. And as Dan walks through the streets alone at night getting high to escape from the hell he's trapped himself in, will he be able to see that maybe the happiness he craves so desperately is not on the streets in the form of white pills, but inside his own apartment in the form of Phil Lester? Or will it be too late... WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS STRONG LANGUAGE, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, USE OF DRUGS, VIOLENCE, HIGH LEVELS OF ANGST, BULIMIA, AND THEMES OF SUICIDE. IT IS NOT SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER READERS.

Too Close (Phan) by WellThisIsAwkward49

Phil Lester is a well known youtuber. He hides behind the camera, he acts the way that he wants to but he scared to be himself at school. He's popular and he's not happy like that. Dan is sweet and rarely talks. He is always afraid that somebody will hurt him so he tries to stay away from people and emotions. Dan struggles with depression, selfharm, bullies, anorexia, a dark past, and being fostered by an abusive family. His mom and dad died when he was 13 and he blames himself everyday. His 7 year old sister is the only thing keeping him alive and sane. Phil feels bad for Dan, but he can't show it unless he wants to get hurt to. Little does Phil know, Dan is quickly losing control of his life. Read this book to go on this adventure with Dan and Phil. (Will mostly be written in Dan's POV) WARNINGS: This story will have very triggering content that deals with self harm, depression, self hatred, anorexia, abuse, harsh language, bullying, mentions of rape, bulimia, and anxiety. Please be careful reading my book and I am always here to talk if you need it. Also, Dan is shorter in this book, about 5'9" cause I have a thing with height.

broken ; phan by iblameherbs

(COMPLETED) It has been at least a year ever since Dan and Phil had ended their friendship and stopped doing youtube. Phil went and moved onto a radio show on bbc radio, But Dan moved in with his parents not knowing what to do with his life, where will their journeys take them? (very fluffy, no smut, triggering things here, mentions of self harm in like 3 chapters, this is an emotional train)

Oh, Phil by phanisokay

Dan and Phil reveal their true feelings for each other but will their romance last? Follow Dan and Phil in this story full of unfortunate events and find out if they get their happy ending. [Contains: Selfharm / eating disorder / suicidal thoughts ] If you enjoyed this story, please vote, comment and follow me for more updates! *this story has a sequel: oh, Dan Find it on my profile :)

Losing Him // phan by GypsyRover

{I lost him a while back, but I didn't realise until it was too late. Until he was gone for good.} TW for depression, suicide, and lots of existentialism.

deranged | phan by phanlusions

completed~~ Dan Howell is admitted into the Manchester Eye Mental Hospital after his attempted suicide. He gets roomed with a boy named Phil Lester, but he doesn't talk much. Not at all actually. Dan decides to make it his personal mission to make Phil talk, but focusing on someone all the time can make you lose yourself. ------------------------------------------ mentions of self harm, suicide, multiple mental illnesses, etc ------------------------------------------ deranged (a.) mad; insane

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Slide 1 of 10

My Blood, Your Bones - Phan cover

Forbidden Love ( phan fiction ) cover

Tinder - D.JH. cover

Arms (Dan Howell x reader) cover

psychedelia | phan cover

Too Close (Phan) cover

broken ; phan cover

Losing Him // phan cover

deranged | phan cover

My Blood, Your Bones - Phan

Young Dan Howell, who lives with his alcoholic father, lost his mother to cancer less than a year ago, and is killing himself. Phil Lester, a boy picked on for his weight, lives alone from the rest of the world in a rehab center while trying to recover from severe anorexia. When a concerned teacher suggests Dan seek help, the two lonely worlds collide. Maybe all they need for help is each other. (Rating: Mature! Very angsty! Read at your own risk! Triggers: self harm, eating disorder, suicide. A little swearing. A little smutty, a little fluffy)