Terraesomnia: Dreamers Descent (First Draft)

A story a friend and I are working on. This is our very first draft, so I realize it isn't the best. Really what I am looking for is some feedback.
My family is too busy to look over it for me, so any advice on how to improve it or any constructive criticism is welcome.
However, if you are going to post anything negative, please offer a suggestion on how to make it better or don't post at all, thank you! :)
I am only going to publish my side for now, as her side is not quite complete at the moment. Don't worry, my side can stand alone more or less, you will still get the gist of the story.