Child Of A Bus Driver

You never have been brilliant with the time, is that why it's been twelve years? You're never here for me when I need you, my friends are right. Its hard to describe how I feel, cause there's so many emotions. I guess you'll never be here to see me grow. That's what makes you an asshole. There are so many unpleasant words that I want to say to your face but you're still my dad and everyday I still hope you'll come back. Does this make me hate you or does it make me love you? I just don't know........

I'm just a teenager, who lives in a foster home. With no understanding of why my dad left me and no understanding of my life. Can someone help???