Expressionless
- Reads 36
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- Parts 4
Ongoing5m
Last published Tue, Nov 28, 2017
This is a side project that I've had on my mind for a while. It's about my personal issues with emotionally expressing myself. And how my borderline personality disorder affects me to the point where it seems like I don't care about anything. It's hard to explain but that's why I'm gonna show and not tell. I'll let my thoughts talk for themselves.
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TOXIC REWIND
"We were never meant to last... but we couldn't stay away." They met in high school-young, reckless, and hopelessly in love. When it all fell apart, they thought that was the end. But some love stories refuse to stay buried. When they find their way back to each other, it isn't the fairytale they once dreamed of. Love turns toxic, passion turns destructive, and together, they become the worst versions of themselves. How far will they go before they finally break for good? Or is this the kind of love that never really dies, no matter how much it burns?Complete
My Story
*WARNING TALKS ABOUT SUICIDE AND OTHER TRIGGERING THINGS, DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE EASILY TRIGGERED OR EMOTIONAL* This story includes me talking a little about my Trauma, and some of the things I've gone through since I was a kid. There will be some detailed parts here and there, and these are dark stories.Complete
Evolution
There are a lot of things you don't really think about until they happen to you. Take rape, for instance. I always thought, "That won't happen to me. I have a boyfriend. I trust him. He would never take advantage of me like that..." I couldn't have been more wrong. Love in this day and age is often confused for manipulation and abuse. The warning signs are here. The things we say will tell us everything that is wrong. You are worth more than what you think you are. It's not your fault. If they tell you otherwise, get out. Burn the bridge. Always remember someone is waiting for you to walk into their life. Someone needs you. Someone loves you. Getting away from all of the wrong people and finding the right ones could save you. I can promise you right now that it saved me. These are the journal entries and selected poems from my first experience of love that left a unpleasant taste in my mouth- quite literally. I am putting this out for the whole world to see because I hope everyone will learn from my experience. People can see. We have no excuses to continue living our lives in ignorance. ...WARNING... HARMFUL THEMES INCLUDING MENTION OF SUICIDE, SELF HARM, AND RAPE. THIS HAS EXPLICIT CONTENT. RECOVERY AND AWARENESS IS THE PURPOSE OF SHARING. DO NOT READ IF THESE THEMES ARE OFFENSIVE OR HARMFUL TO YOU.Complete
Her Breaking Point
He had rules for a reason, or thats what he said. I did something wrong I got punished. I spoke out of turn, I got punished. I looked at him or ate without permission, I got punished. Haven thats what they named me funny isn't it? Ironic really. They named me Haven because my mom would say I was her 'Safe Haven'. What a pile of shit that was. She left willingly, she didn't depart because of some tragic accident. My father didn't kill her. She left because she was a coward who didn't want kids. As soon as my older brother went to college she left. I knew she hated me. I was the product of her love with another man. A constant reminder that her life didn't work out the way it was planned. He who ever he was is a phantom in its own. A deep rooted fantasy never going to come true. My brother left, my mother left, my grandma ignored, and my father broke. They let me give up hope on escaping and then decided to play hero. But I haven't forgotten everything I went through. Guilt consumes my brother but I don't care, you don't get to leave and then buy a reprieve of trying to save someone who has been dead for years. Besides lets just be honest I reached my breaking point long ago.Complete
MEMOIR OF THE SPLINTERED
"Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness that centers on the inability to manage emotions effectively. While some persons with BPD are high functioning in certain settings, their private lives may be in turmoil." ~~~ They say the term "borderline" came from a time when doctors used to believe the illness bordered between psychosis and neurosis. Now, they believe the illness should be called Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. The illness doesn't need a clear name for me to understand what it is. Because it's the nightmare I'm living every day. ~~~ [ a short story about BPD written by a human with BPD ]Complete
Diary Of A Teenage Player
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Retroexposure
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I Have No Idea
Something I started writing while I was in an emotional funk, stuck in some unpleasant memories. No idea where it's going or if I'll keep up with it, but here it is. TW: Suicide, self-harm, s/a. Sex, language.
Tethered By Lust
It's not worth it anymore. The fighting, the hurt, the beatings. It was never going to be worth it. But for love...well love makes you stupid. And I loved him with all my heart. I met the real man who would save me. Like how Bell was saved from Gaston. Except she lived the high life and didn't fear for her existence after her first encounter. After my first encounter with Axel, and a dreamy one-night stand. The only option for me was to stay away from him and keep to Marcus. But Marcus is destroying me. *** "Don't you dare tell me how easy it is to leave and abusive relationship when you've never been in one, Axel!" Tears poured down my cheeks and all I wanted to do in that moment was crawl into the same hole I should never have crawled out from and die. "And I was heartbroken, and scared and anxious. I was worried and I felt weak, and I had no idea how I was ever going to come up with the strength. But I just closed my eyes and took a blind leap. I found you, Cordilia and I'll be dammed if I let that asshole take you away from me."Complete
Tumor Love
Sometimes life don't go the way we planned. Sometimes we end up feeling so low, and alone. Like we're in a dark hole with no one around us, but then suddenly there's a light at the end of the tunnel. And I guess what I'm trying to say is.. You're my light, the one who helped me through the worst time in my life - And for that, I am thankful. I'm thankful that I met you, but I also hate you. I hate what you did to me, because you made me fall in love.. And then my world fell apart once again. [WARNING!! Contains mature themes, and languageComplete
"We were never meant to last... but we couldn't stay away." They met in high school-young, reckless, and hopelessly in love. When it all fell apart, they thought that was the end. But some love stories refuse to stay buried. When they find their way back to each other, it isn't the fairytale they once dreamed of. Love turns toxic, passion turns destructive, and together, they become the worst versions of themselves. How far will they go before they finally break for good? Or is this the kind of love that never really dies, no matter how much it burns?
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