Contemplation - Rea - Wattpad

Contemplation

Reads 378
Votes 31
Parts 38
Time 31m

Reads 378
Votes 31
Parts 38
Time 31m

Mature

alone brokenheart darkness deadinside death depression help hurt lost love memories pain past poems sad sadness self-harm suicide tears trigger-warning

I dream about doing it, you know? About killing myself.  And maybe I'll never try it again. But I dream about it. 
I imagine how it would feel, how I would feel.  I know I shouldn't want it this bad, but I do. I know I should ask for help, but I can't. Because nobody can help me. I know because they've tried. 
I know I'm not the only one who feels like this. When I feel down, which is frequently, I look online for quotes or poems about how I feel, and it helps me feel less alone. maybe by posting my stories here, even if just one person reads them and feels less alone, it will be worth it.  
I'm going to dedicate this to my mom, because if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have written this. I miss you mom, more than ever.  And I'm sorry.  I'm sorry I turned out the way I did. And if there is a heaven that you can look down on, I'm sorry you had to see me turn into the person I have, I hope you're not too dissapointed in me. I love youAll Rights Reserved

alone brokenheart darkness deadinside death depression help hurt lost love memories pain past poems sad sadness self-harm suicide tears trigger-warning

Table of contents

38 parts

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I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy by Beautiful_Tragedy8

CRINGE WARNING! First book I ever wrote on here!! -- "Sometimes the person who you are willing to take a bullet for is the person behind the gun." I stood peering over the cold lifeless body that lay before my eyes. I had always thought of death the enemy, but right now, I blessed it upon the person who is now at peace. Sometimes you don't need to be the smartest, or the fastest, but you do need to be wisest. They say the blood runs deeper than water, and I believe it, because even though the people that we love can turn on us and begin to hate us, they are only human, meaning that soon they will begin to see how short life really is and how it is not to be wasted. People who seem perfect and they look like they have no floors'; they are the people who are suffering, like I was. But I found my savior in the most uncommon place. He was able to look through my mask, he saw the cracks, and tried to fix the broken girl that hid away deep inside the girl who only wanted to be seen as 'fine'. I slowly began to find comfort and safety in him, and I did the same to him. We were two broken people becoming whole. Someone once said when you pass, if you can count your true friends on one hand you are beyond lucky, and I even though I did not like the person that lay before me, I know that he once had true friends, including me. I'm a 17 year old girl who has suffered more than any other, beginning to believe that 'Hope' was just another word the people throw around. Until I fell in love with a badboy. Trailer to the side -------------------> Made By @Laura__1 Cover made by @Beautiful_Tragedy8 Copyright 2014

Perception of an Angel by Hope_Alexandria_Ray

I wrote this book of poems based off my struggles with mental health, heartbreak, and love. I wrote it to help other people who struggle with mental illness as well, I named the book perception of an angel, because I see the people who struggle the most, as angels. And through our perception of things and emotions, we will find our strength. Our reason to live. We got to keep pushing through the hard and find our fight deep inside ourselves, to reach the good, find your good perception and live; ⚠️⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️⚠️ ~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!TALKS OF MENTAL HEALTH AND STRUGGLES ALL THAT COMES WITH IT!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~ -BPD -Bipolar -PTSD -other mental health If you or a friend or loved one relates and find yourself struggling please seek help, your life matters, and you matter. Here are some links to help you find support and help if you need it: Crisis Text Line: Text "START" to 741-741 LGBT Youth Suicide Hotline: 1-866-4-U-TREVOR Military Veterans Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (Press 1) National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) Childhelp (1.800.4ACHILD) ... National Sexual Assault Hotline (1.800.656.HOPE) National domestic violence hotline (1-800.799.SAFE)

BARROW ME A SHELTER by Kymorgan

-Look at me! Look at my body and don't you dare to lie and say that is normal. People look at me like I was a disease, a contagious disease who gets attached to you, like a virus, travels through your body burns your hope, range shots your dreams, massacre your faith and your mental health. A virus that makes people gossip, whisper about everything. Your clothes size, your stretched skin, the amount of fat that you carry every where you go. You don't know what Is is like to live as I do. This virus eats me alive , makes me crave and urge for food , while I have my face buried in the toilet , throwing up , eating back, exercise and control. You can't love me, you can't love something like me, ans i know. It's a nightmare that crawls up my mind in pure day light. _____________________________________ He needed to met the next sunset in hopes he would starve to death or find the end of the road to a Clift, where his body could be found at the end of the tale that was written to be his life, however his tale couldn't end there, where his fears would be transported to the next life and hunt him for eternity.forced to find a placed after escaping death, at this new journey he found the healing his body, mind, soul needed, so did she.

I WILL NEVER FALL FOR YOU by yummylittlepeachbabe

My life has alway been surrounded by people that love each other but never around people who truly love me. Growing up the youngest boy of a family of 6 boys and a single mom hasn't been easy. My life hasn't always been picture perfect being the only brother with a different dad hasn't been easy. After all my brother fathers died my mom was destroyed and met my dad she had me and they broke up. My dad lives in london and my mom lives in america so for a big part of my life I lived with my dad but when I started high school I moved to live with my mom for a better life and that's when I joined this chaotic family as an outsider and a foreigner. Keeping to myself I got close to my brothers but never close enough. Being an outcast is all I ever will be a broody outcast the quiet pothead that you should stay away from and that one brother whos always lonely and by himself. All my brothers have girlfriends and my ma has my step dad and I have no one and that's fine because I don't believe in love and when they all get their heartbroken they can't blame anyone but themselves. Moving to a new city has never been easy for me. My dads in the army so it's just me and mom moving from new York to California isn't gonna be easy moving to a new high school is never a good idea but if it means a fresh start from my past I'll do anything to run away from it.

Someone New by wambuimuiruriii

"There comes a point where you no longer care if there's a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You're just sick of the tunnel." - Who I am doesn't matter. How I got here doesn't matter. What matters now is I'm getting help, right? That's what they tell me here. They tell me that the road to recovery feels like a terrible butt fuck, but the fact that you're on the path to begin with, is all that matters. So as I sit in this circle of fuck ups, I realize just how different I am from them. I didn't attempt suicide because my mother was a crack addict who didn't want me. My father wasn't abusive. I didn't have a sibling die in a car accident. I was never really bullied either. I attempted suicide because, for the first time in years, I thought I had found something that could make me feel again... and after not feeling much at all for far too long, perhaps I went a bit overboard

UNDERCOVER SOULMATING by chrismae93

Promise you'll catch me; & don't let me down. Or at least not drop me on my face, like the last one did. Guys are so unpredictable, untrustworthy, easily bored, and always find a way to disappoint you. Not this one though! "Sometimes the things you need are right under your nose, and you'll miss them if you don't pay attention." That is what my mom always said anyway. Who knew she was right all along. Snapping out of my own thoughts I opened my eyes and he was still there. Down on one knee staring up at me, waiting on an answer. But why me? I ignored you, made you chase me, then brought drama into your life, bombarded you like a soldier on the front line, and invaded your life! Worked my way in like a flea. Yet you love me? REALLY? My hand balled into a fist and went flying before I could think. All I can say is you bet not let me down! Do not be like the others! Do not embarrass me! I'm giving my all to you, leaving it all in your hands... "Ouch!" Ok. Let's do this! I'm not sure how to put these feeling into words so the poetry and song titles are to help you feel what I am feeling as much as possible. This might get a little steamy at times! Hope you enjoy. Also this is a first draft so please excuse any mistakes, thanks!

Aurora | ✓ by itsnina2356

Cover made by: @_navyblueee_ I'm living in a house made of glass. I'm scared to move, to breathe, to think. I'm afraid. Any wrong move and I get yelled at, a broken rule and I get beat up...he's not even my father and I'm stuck in his own fucked up version of reality. My own mother is the reason he has me, the reason my family lost me. A broken, lost mafia princess living in the wrong story, taken from the right one. I've been in foster care all my life, until them...my brothers. I am saved by them when my shattered heart was about to turn into stone and when my cries would become echoes in the walls of the prison I was bestowed upon. I was months old when I was stolen from my family. 17 years had to go by for them to finally find me. My dad, my four older brothers..one of which I'll soon discover is my twin. My missing half. Will they be able to mend my shattered soul or will I remain broken and alone? TW: rape, abuse, assault, attempted suicide, strong language - Warning: contains teenage pregnancy SHE DOES KEEP THE BABY STOP SNAPPING AT ME DAMMIT...respectfully <3 *Edited*...sort of

This Place (boyxboy) by kimmyann123

I'm just lying here in stillness and darkness wondering why. Why did this have to happen to my mom? We have nothing we can't even afford a house. Here I am a 14 year old boy that lives in a shelter home. Mom says one day we'll get out. But I've lost all hope. And I know my mom has no hope either. If she did I wouldn't have to hear her cry herself to sleep at night. I hate seeing her in so much pain. I wish, I could get a job. Maybe since I'm younger and a boy they'll hire me. Who am I kidding? My mom's in her 30's she's not old either. Sometimes the idiots that run this place kick my mom out for the night because she's making too much noise after hours. My mom was crying; is that too hard to understand? I hate this place. Well, tomorrow's our first day apart since summer started. They're forcing me to go to high school. I'm okay with school but I don't want to leave my mom alone in this world. Well, I guess there's a better chance of me getting a job if I'm in high school. You know there's one thing I remember my mom telling me when I was young. "Never frown; you never know who's falling in love with your smile." Words to live by. Let's hope they help me tomorrow.

The Words I couldn't Say by -silentmochi

This is a place for me to put all the things I wish I said but I just couldn't. These are a way for me to "say" these things without actually saying them to the person I want to. I probably won't ever go back or read any of these because it's like revisiting a bad memory so don't expect much in terms of editing. Also I wouldn't consider this poetry but it is laid out that way. WARNING Talk of depression, suicide, anxiety, and self harm. Don't read if you don't like things like that and may get triggered. I don't mean to cause anyone problems of any sort, but these are the things I feel and can't help. Please keep negativity away as this is a sensitive subject for a lot of people. Thank you. Highest rankings: 99 in sadpoems Highest rankings: 118 in iwannadie

Give me shelter by SabastianStefano

Have you ever felt so lonely you believed there was nothing left for you? Stashed away, merely forgotten. I mean you could cry and cry, yet no one would hear you. At least no one you truly once loved. Being yourself can be detrimental to others happiness, and so you down play who you are. You devalue your beliefs, your morals fall short and that hollow rock turns into your Mirror. Do you matter anymore? Would anyone care if you simply disappeared? Could you find your way out of the darkness? Look Closer is one of my favourite quotes and so I'll use it as a guide to understanding the complex characters you're about to meet.

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Slide 1 of 10

I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy cover

Perception of an Angel cover

BARROW ME A SHELTER cover

I WILL NEVER FALL FOR YOU cover

Someone New cover

UNDERCOVER SOULMATING cover

Aurora | ✓ cover

This Place (boyxboy) cover

The Words I couldn't Say cover

Give me shelter cover

I Fell in Love with a Bad Boy

CRINGE WARNING! First book I ever wrote on here!! -- "Sometimes the person who you are willing to take a bullet for is the person behind the gun." I stood peering over the cold lifeless body that lay before my eyes. I had always thought of death the enemy, but right now, I blessed it upon the person who is now at peace. Sometimes you don't need to be the smartest, or the fastest, but you do need to be wisest. They say the blood runs deeper than water, and I believe it, because even though the people that we love can turn on us and begin to hate us, they are only human, meaning that soon they will begin to see how short life really is and how it is not to be wasted. People who seem perfect and they look like they have no floors'; they are the people who are suffering, like I was. But I found my savior in the most uncommon place. He was able to look through my mask, he saw the cracks, and tried to fix the broken girl that hid away deep inside the girl who only wanted to be seen as 'fine'. I slowly began to find comfort and safety in him, and I did the same to him. We were two broken people becoming whole. Someone once said when you pass, if you can count your true friends on one hand you are beyond lucky, and I even though I did not like the person that lay before me, I know that he once had true friends, including me. I'm a 17 year old girl who has suffered more than any other, beginning to believe that 'Hope' was just another word the people throw around. Until I fell in love with a badboy. Trailer to the side -------------------> Made By @Laura__1 Cover made by @Beautiful_Tragedy8 Copyright 2014