One Day Mario Woke Up (Unedited)

*Edited Version Starts at Chapter 2: Degenerate's Edit Part 1.*

A gem of a story picked up on Reddit. I did not write this, but it's provided my friends and I endless laughs. The original writer worked on it between 2006 and roughly 2009. Beware, this is an extremely lewd fanfiction. Lots of cursing, lots of butt sex, lots of bodily fluids, etc. This is in the running for worst fanfic ever in my book. This version is actually from fanfiction.net, where someone took all the Reddit posts and smushed them together. Not much more can be said except good luck, friends.

!!!Good news!!!

I did it. I finally did it. I have edited the entire thing. Why? Who could say, but I did it, and now it's done. 99% of changes are spelling, capitalization, and punctuation and very little has been done otherwise to keep this as close to the original as possible while still being readable. I... need some eye bleach. Thank you to everyone who has opened this, read the first sentence, and immediately noped right tf out.

Cover credit to BrokenTeapot on DeviantArt.