broken heart syndrome

It's scary, how his mind fills in the blanks for him. When he wakes up in the morning, he expects Ryan to be there, sleeping next to him, but he's not. He texts Ryan something funny, a meme or a cat video, but halfway through typing he realizes that Ryan can't respond to him. He'll make food, expecting Ryan to come and eat with him, but he doesn't.

Grief is hard to deal with.

He's never believed in ghosts before, but he misses Ryan so much that he's willing to believe they exist so that he can have Ryan back. It's better than expecting Ryan to be there, only for nothing to happen. It's better than coming home to an empty apartment, somewhere where Ryan can't greet him. It's better than going to bed alone, with no one to hold and no one to hold him.