The Warfstache Way: A Theory Novel

A young boy sits at his window, staring outside of it as he watches other children at play. He sighs as his father sets down the newspaper he was reading. 'Wanted: Dead or Alive. International criminal Wilford Warfstache to be put to justice. A reward of $1,000,000 will be given to whoever finds this man.'

"Daddy," the boy speaks softly, his father picking up his favorite liquor and chugging away at it. He seems to be numbing an invisible pain. "What now?" He growls out, slamming his booze bottle back on to the table. "Can I go outside and play with the other kids?"

"Why the fuck do you ask that question every single god damn time? Of course you can't! You're a Warfstache! If you go outside I'll be found out and brought into fucking prison! Use your little bastard of a brain for once in a fucking while!"

"You're a Warfstache," he says as the boy starts to cry. "That's what you are, and that's what you always will be."