Believe in Me

Believe in Me

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WpMetadataReadOngoing<5 mins
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Tue, Feb 4, 2014
People used to tell me that one-day everything would be different; I never believed them. Not yesterday, not today, and definitely not tomorrow. All through my life I was thrown out of foster homes, one after the other. No one ever seemed to really care about me. When I went to school I would constantly be bullied. Some days I would go home with a bloody nose, my foster dad (at the time) would look at me and say, “You deserved it.”. Everyone was the same, they all treated me like I was a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of their shoe and wouldn’t come off. When I turned 18 my last foster family gave me a bank card and an envelope filled with cash. “Here’s your own bank card, and a bit of cash. Why don’t you do something good for once and get the hell out of here.” They looked down at me waiting to for me to pick up my things and leave. When I finally left, there was a little part of me just hoping that they would come chasing after me, saying that they loved me, and that they were sorry, except I knew that that would never happen. And I was right.
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"There comes a point where you no longer care if there's a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You're just sick of the tunnel." - Who I am doesn't matter. How I got here doesn't matter. What matters now is I'm getting help, right? That's what they tell me here. They tell me that the road to recovery feels like a terrible butt fuck, but the fact that you're on the path to begin with, is all that matters. So as I sit in this circle of fuck ups, I realize just how different I am from them. I didn't attempt suicide because my mother was a crack addict who didn't want me. My father wasn't abusive. I didn't have a sibling die in a car accident. I was never really bullied either. I attempted suicide because, for the first time in years, I thought I had found something that could make me feel again... and after not feeling much at all for far too long, perhaps I went a bit overboard

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