Spy Secrecy (POV Char)

Char is a spy and assassin, trying to keep his corrupt life from seeping into Ophelia. Complications arise many times, such as kidnapping, murders, and unexpected plot twists. Char has to make the choice of turning Ophelia into a spy, or letting her go for good.
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Excerpt:

"My parents are dead."

Her head jerks back slightly, then she starts to play with the hem of her dress. The mental debate going on in her head is almost visible, as it would be with most people. Ask about it, even though it's personal? What should I say? What Ophelia says and does will be a determining factor in how I see her. How she handles things like this.

"How did they die?"

So her curiosity outweighed her empathy. I'd say the same about myself. "I'm not supposed to tell." But I wouldn't mind anymore, it doesn't matter. Most topics have become desensitized to me, nothing is off limits now. Once pain becomes your constant, it doesn't hurt anymore.

"You can tell me, don't build barriers. You can tell me anything, if you want to."

Her eyes are so focused and intense that my flesh crawls. If you knew, you'd never talk to me ever again, because all this spy secrecy would unravel. I'm sure it sucks to have your parents gone all the time, but at least they aren't gone forever like mine. You don't know how it feels, they raised me to be a cold heartless person, and they'll never be forgiven for it.

But at the same time, longing pulls at me. To feel my mom's hands massage my scalp, my head in her lap, and know those hands are stained with blood to protect me. To cook dinner with my dad and watch him saw meat with a butcher knife, and know that he cuts flesh with other knives. They were fucked up in the worst ways, but they were never against me. Though they had their flaws, it was always for me.

Dead people are hard to hold grudges against.

How I wish to be an average kid again, not knowing his purpose.