Tainted
  • Reads 4,302
  • Votes 52
  • Parts 9
  • Time 1h 24m
  • Reads 4,302
  • Votes 52
  • Parts 9
  • Time 1h 24m
Ongoing, First published Feb 08, 2014
Mature
When I was younger I was weak. The moment I got older I got even weaker. Day by day I got weaker by the second. To others... I'm strong and powerful. If someone precious was killed right in front of me I wouldn't cry nor react at all. Others call that being strong. I call it being weak. Being in a pit of emptiness. I wish I could feel like others... Pain. I'm so used to pain that it doesn't affect me no longer. The only feeling I have left is the urge to die. I don't care how I die. I just want to escape this hell I've been living in my whole life
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Slide 1 of 10
Release cover
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Release

191 parts Complete Mature

This is a collection of my writing from the past 7 years. Before I started to write, I was a very lost individual, as are most teens, but I was lost in darkness. I was too afraid to move anywhere at all. I hid in the dark, debilitated by my own anxiety, sadnesses, anger, and hopelessness. I was desperate to be loved and feared it the most, I was a coward, I was self-destructive, I would mentally bend my thoughts to the point of bordering insanity. I was born into this world alone, and got too comfortable with it. Maybe I still am, but a fraction of what I used to be. This writing is extremely vulnerable, and potentially disturbing to others, as all my weaknesses, strengths, obsessions with making every moment sentimental, the sickening desperation I've had, the destructiveness, and the constant brutal reconstruction of my mind. Without guidance, it's been absolute intense chaos. Though, there is beauty in the darkness. Everything can be found in the darkness. You'll find that through my writing, I've somehow slowly become exactly what I've written. A living representation of my writing and what I wanted to be. Without myself even knowing it. A lot of my writing themes are based around nature, or some kind of natural aspect. The imagery I paint with natural metaphors is constant, the animals, just like you and I, the plants, and all other living things. I planted these seeds in my mind, unknowingly at the time, where I now feel the deep dark green jungle pressing at the inner walls of my skull. It's all that I want to consume my mind. There's so much to learn. The magic of nature, and it's infinite wisdom. It's as if I have been on this path all along, and I didn't even know what I was doing, yet my body and mind were passively taking care of me. Giving me and eventually showing exactly what I want, and wanted to become. I have every moment, every instance of suffering, and every epiphany to be thankful for. Soon, I'll be at peace from the raging storm.