ANY DAY NOW

I've been asked the question " How are you?"
And each time the reply came " I'm fine".
But up to this day and very minute it baffles me how one expression can be the bearer of everything but that which it should.
Well today i asked myself that same question. And i found my answer... an answer that spits my truth like fire... an answer so harsh and bruising. I AM NOT OKAY. I am empty. And honestly.... that's the most truth I've told myself. .... ever uttered in my entire life.
Truth is... I have stopped looking for the silver lining. I have accepted the fact that sometimes all there is to dark clouds.... is dark clouds... that somewhere along the rainbow those colors fade.... and that life... life isn't all its pent up to be.
I am just living... that's all there is left to do. But not for myself. I'm not worth it. I am just waiting for life to play its last grand symphony... to hit the high note... close the curtains and leave with a satisfied smile of the ill it has done me. And something tells me...... Its any day now.