S I Y A H

Sometimes something hurts you so bad, it stops hurting for a while.

Until something makes you feel again. And then it all comes back.

Every word, every hurt, every moment, every heart break.

How could I ever tell you my story in a way you'll understand where I come from?

Even if you ask, even if you listen, you do not really hear, or see, or feel, the way that I heard things. The way that I saw things, or the way that I felt everything.

Simply because you won't remember me or my story.

You haven't walked my path.

You will always be defined by your past and believe me when I say that forgetting your past is almost impossible for someone like me.

It almost seems like the things that hold me up also force me down in a way.

All of a sudden my world turned upside down, my order of things dissapeared.

Nothing was the way it was supposed to be, and a heavy sadness filled my soul .

a weight that my weak body could not carry.

Deeper and deeper I fell, within myself.

Trapped in the darkness displayed in my eyes, lost in the weariness of my soul, I kept falling to a point where I was sure that I won't see the light of the dawn anymore.

The life I knew, had no meaning of what hopes and dreams felt like.

But even after months of spending alone in an unknown city, the darkest nights never stopped.

Maybe running away did not help after all.

I was facing loneliness.

Mostly you try not to think about your fears, and you try to get by and survive, then maybe, just maybe it will seem like nothing compared to all the other stuff.

Like wishing you get to see the the windows of his soul again that displayed nothing but darkness but brightened up your life, or hear him sing that one lullaby again when you could't sleep or at least get to forget about him.

Because you know he will break down, he will feel alone, and who will hold his hand and whisper ''It will be alright''

Then again who will whisper it to me?