Guts Over Fear

The concept of things being black and white...that's a thing of the past. My entire life, I have resided in sheds of grey. The misery, the anguish, the hurt...they inhibit yet another piece of me with every day that passes. A certain string of routines keep my sanity intact, even stable on good days. For a time, I had craved so much, so very much to feel a damn thing. But then I did.

Joseph. The drug that keeps me sane. The anchor that grounds me. The talisman that saved me. From life. Life alone, with only my thoughts for company. And what thoughts they were!

I need him, and after a while I realized, he needs me just as much. Our craving for each other bypasses common sense. It feels as though I have yearned for him for as long as I remember. Going by what he tells me, he feels the same.

And then there were the shadows that we both fear. He fears what awaits him, as I fear what I've already been through. He dreads what he does, he tells me it's killing him, eating him from the inside out, changing him in ways that he never saw coming. "I'll lover you nonetheless.", I assure him.

As for myself, my regrets are too heavy, the urges too strong. I do realize, my love for Joseph is unnatural, our relationship unhealthy. Some might call it destructive. That's funny though, since unanimously, we decided long ago, we were the only barriers that kept us from the edge. The edge of what? I can't be sure, we both haven't dared to get too close.

Read on to find out!