Looking For Self

Cassie never knew what love was.
If somebody asked her, what is love? She would fall silent, and then shook her head. Or maybe she would make bad jokes in order to change the topic.
Because, she really didn't understand.

They said love makes you happy, makes you will do anything for it.
They said love will change your life, like everything doesn't matter anymore. Like you will be mad for it, crazy for it.
She never experienced it even once. Love also something that she couldn't find between her parents.

When she was in high school, she had dated several times.
Mostly she dated them because they were handsome, or some because her friends told her so.
But she felt nothing. She couldn't find 'anything' there.

She thought maybe something wrong with her. Maybe her heart was too cold and hard as a rock. Make anyone not only could not approach but also could not crack her heart.
Maybe she was too haughty, too accustomed in enjoying her solitude that she forgot to share a little of her life with anyone

And then he came, overturned her life...

He was warm, he was bright
Like a glimmer of sunlight peeping through the window curtains
He made her laugh, turned her black and white world into colorful one
He never got tired even though she was cold and ignorant

With him she overjoyed
He was always there, in every second, and every breath
He squeezed her hands, strengthening,
Hug her, soothing,
Beside her, listening

He was like nicotine, made her crave more and more
Flowed in the veins, and throbbing along with her pulse

Until he was gone
Too sudden like a slap, like a heart attack
Left her with no option than, her collapsed world and bleeding heart.