Breathe

My mind was running, screaming, shaking, collapsing in on itself again. "You're not good enough, you are not enough." I walked up and approached the railing to the overpass. As I walked along it I looked around. "Should I stay one more day?" But for what? To get harassed by him again? No, I was done, when she died a part of me died with her and I lost everything I had ever lived for. My will to live was gone and all he did was make it worse.

I started climbing the railing, one step at a time so I wouldn't slip. It was important not to slip, I wanted to at least decide how I die. I could feel the railing pressing against my back. I stretched my arms out on the cold, wet metal surface and I felt the cold raindrops under my fingers. I looked down on my wet shoes, my heels were on the concrete and my toes on nothing. I looked past my feet and watched the ground, my eyes caught a chain linked fence and I wondered how far out I'd have to jump to not land on the fence. I just didn't want it to hurt anymore. In that moment I felt like I had complete control over my life so I stayed like that for a while. Enjoying the feeling of being in control of my life. Eventually, I was brought back to the present by a tall guy wearing a black hoodie, tapping, very carefully on my left shoulder. I didn't look back. I didn't want anything to stop me this time.

Before I knew it I saw flashing lights from the corner of my eyes. I looked at the sides and saw two police cars, parked on each side of the road, blocking off the street. There were crowds of night-walkers gawking at me from either side. They were probably walking home from bars or just walking up out of curiosity to see what was going on. I heard a voice screaming to me. "Jump, you coward". I took a deep breath. It felt like my arms rose from the railing, like as if they'd become weightless and unburdened. I pitched forward, feeling the wind blow around my body and on my face, through my hair and past my ears.