What it's like to not have depression

I have a dream, I want to have a second chance at life. It's crazy to even think that way, my sister would say if I ever told her this. I'm eighteen, I have my whole life ahead of me. But you see the reason why I want to start fresh isn't something that's very clear to me. I just want to go to a new place, with a new name, with a new me and leave everyone I know and love or hate or dislike behind. I've had this dream for years.
This is a memoir to give me a clear idea of what it is that really triggers that dream.
Why am I sharing this here? I don't ever want someone to feel the things I feel, and if you read it, and you relate to it, I just need you to know that I'm here. Don't lock yourself up in your room choking down on your own tears, biting down on your blanket so that no one can hear your miserable cries. I'm here and I care, and just because no one has been there for me when I needed them the most (probably because I never asked) know that I'm here, and I want you to get through this, for yourself and for me.