Jealousy

Have you ever experienced a strong sense of raw jealousy towards someone? be it family or aquaintance? I have. As pathetic as it sounds I am jealous of my older sister and I will tell you why. I am 17 years old and my life is a total ship wreck, nothing has gone right for me ever, my life has never been a bed of roses, I have mental health disorders, on medication for them, I have no friends, I stay in my house all day in my room sleeping mostly, Ive had one failed relationship with an older man who was in his 20s which I regret, he raped me, I am ugly and fat and have nothing good going for myself. I am jealous of my sister whos aged 19 because, she is the model daughter, as in she is skinny, tall, has long perfect blonde hair, blue eyes, perfect bone structure and nose and body, she has tonnes of friends, always has a bf, she has a job, is doing well in college, is social and just everything I would want to be but never will be, its ironic that she is better and happier than me though, she always treated me like shit, even when I was being bullied, called me awful names. My rapist ex is even happy and engaged now. I'm a hopeless defect who was born without purpose I need euthanasia.