My Poison

I am crushing on him. I am crushing on a bad boy with a girlfriend. I know it's wrong, I mean they look so happy together. But I can't stop thinking about him, I tried, I really did. But he is just so irresistible.
I stopped touching my face in the mirror and leaned a little bit and looked at my hazel eyes. I looked at my nose, eyebrows, mouth and cheekbones. I was comparing myself to her. To her dip dyed gorgeous blonde hair, petite mouth and beautiful brown eyes.
stop it.
I have only just brought my self-confidence back together; I don't want to go there anymore. I paused between pinning my scarf lightly around my head to taking a long breath from the cigarette dangling from my lips.
I wasn't a bad girl. I didn't want to be a bad girl but there was something so very controversial in my mind, that would sometimes bring me to tears late at night or fill me with so much desire to do everything and its opposite at the same time.
I am sick.
Do I want to get close to him? do I want to add salt to my wounds? He would burn me. He was a big bad fire, so bright that I can't ignore it, so warm, that I can't help myself but be drawn to it. He was a fire that would inevitably burn me. I just wish I would be able to enjoy it.
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I don't want to say that this is a true story. But it kind of is. I mean, it has lots of dramatic effects, situations and stuff made up in my mind, it's a work of fiction after all. However, the feelings I am writing inside are real. So real that they hurt so much that I had to write them down. So be mindful of what you are reading, leave your judgmental thoughts outside the pages of his book. We are all humans.