Somewhat of a Fake

I guess I eat sometimes, but when I do the thoughts are unbearable.
Pound after pound after pound. I'm not sad, not really. The only time I feel bad is when I'm face to face with the mirror. Panic attack hitting me hard.
Sometimes theirs guilt,
Sometimes I'm in tears.
But I know I'm doing this for the the greater good.
Scott.
He'll see me when I'm perfect.
But for now him and I are best friends, i'm the fat one.
But one day that will change and everything will go back to the way it was before. When my thoughts didn't control me, and I didn't have to deny my food everyday.
Sometimes I wish I was able to maintain skinniness, and sometimes I know that working for its the best option.
But sometimes I don't think I will ever be good enough.
Sometimes, I wish I could stop.
Sometimes I wish I could be in control.
Sometimes, I wish I wasn't a fake kind of happy.
Sometimes,
I wish I wasn't a fake.