Lost in thoughts

Behind my own smile lies great pain. I have learned to cover up most of it; however, my eyes tell all, as they are the window to my soul. My heart is kind, loving, and generous. Yet, I feel that it should be much harder, so as to not allow some things that I have acquiesced over my life. I am not sure what it is going to take anymore to help find my way back to the correct path. I just know that this beaten one is all I have known for so long now. I am truly so lost, with no clear direction in sight