My Big Fat College Diary

My Big Fat College Diary

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WpMetadataNoticeLast published Wed, Aug 18, 2021
Follow me through my journey at Delaware State University SideNote: Most chapters are real events. DSU'21🔴🔵
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I held her hand. I kissed her back. And for that one fleeting moment I felt something I haven't allowed myself to feel in years. But I shouldn't have. That kiss... that closeness... it was selfish of me. Because now, even if she doesn't know what it meant, I do. And I know how dangerous it is for both of us. So maybe if I pull away now, if I go cold, if I stop being the version of myself she's grown close to... maybe she'll move on. Maybe she'll think it was nothing. That it was all in her head. Because we're not too deep in yet. Not yet. If I do this now, maybe it won't hurt her as much. And me? Well... I'll try not to like her either. I'll try not to hold onto the memory of her laughter. Try not to remember the way her fingers felt on my cheek. Try not to wish I could go back to that night and feel her breath against mine one more time. I'll try. Because that's all I can do. It's not because she's not worth it. It's because she is. Too good. Too bright. Too kind for someone like me. And if pushing her away is the only way I can protect her from the wreckage that comes with loving me- Then I'll do it. Even if it means breaking my own heart in the process.

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