Masquerade

I rip myself out of her grasp, "Stop this! I want you, the true you!" What is wrong with her?

"There is no true 'me'" she uses her fingers to make air quotes. She puts her hands on her hips, "Haven't you learned this by now? I'm an actress!" She throws her hands in the air, and starts pacing back and forth, "I live and breathe to act a certain way to please and entertain others. There is nothing behind this mask!" she points to her face. I feel like someone just squeezed my heart, what happened to her? "I act the way I know you want me to. You want obedience, I'll keep my mouth shut!" she starts pacing again, "You want timid, I'll hide in the corner. You want sexy, I can play with you all night long."

I loved the theater because I was able to live someone else's story for 2 hours and do everything I normally wouldn't. But once the curtains closed, I was able to just go back to being me. However, Mama's show was getting bigger and bigger and soon the act bleed over to my everyday life. "Make sure you say this." "Go to this event.""Don't do that." "Go talk to that person." Everything was a publicity stint and business deal and I never had a chance to put down my act and soon the perfect mask seemed glued on.

Going into college I thought I would be able to have some time to be myself. I never thought I would get caught up living a life between the "Spice Girls" meets "The Bachelor" meets "Gossip Girl". I most definitely did not know that I would go insane.