Non-Existent love

A father that doesn't care for me, a step-mother that is blind to anything she doesn't want to see. A mother killed when I was 10. A new school with people with judging eyes all the time. This is what my life came to when I hit 17
I never knew my life would be changed. Me changed with one name. One person. I don't think love exist. It's not just because my mother killed herself because of love, but any movie I watch, book I read, they all make me think love is just something that drives people insane. The girls thinking of nothing but a guy every day, every night. Sometimes the other way around. Or both ways. I changed again from emo to caring about her because of a word I can only describe as love. Something I thought is non-existent. Something that never should exist. Or I thought